Sunday, January 19, 2014

How in most cases mothers on the side of the bride are most interfering causing breakage of marriages

How mothers can break marriages

Aditi Gyanesh, TNN Jan 4, 2014, 11.06AM IST
LUDHIANA: Sanya married a well to do businessman one and a half years ago. But she felt lonely in her marital home as she did not talk much to her in-laws. However, she talked to her mother every night and updated her on every detail. Her mother encouraged her to adopt the tit for tat attitude.
Sanya's husband, Sumit, who remained busy in his business or the family, followed the advise of his mother, who kept a strict tab on when and where the couple went and what they talked about.
Interference of mothers on both sides led to fights between the couple and after one and half stormy years they were in court for divorce. None of the four were willing to adjust.
Sanya and Sumit are among the many couples in Ludhiana who suffered marital discord due to the interference of mothers on both sides. A whopping 50% of divorce cases in courts have come within two or three years of marriage. The main reason being the inability of couples to adjust in each other's families. Advocate Avtar Kaur Brar, who handles such cases in Ludhiana district court said, "We get many cases of mothers intruding upon the lives of married couples. Newly weds also don't understand the need to maintain a distance and follow their mothers, landing up for divorce eventually. In most cases, it has been found that mothers on the side of the bride are most interfering. Girls share everything with their mothers and instead of putting them on the path of marital happiness, mothers ask girls to adopt a confrontationist stance. Couples today lack understanding and file for divorce."
Although marital discord may also be prompted by factors like domestic violence, extra marital affairs and busy partners, interference of mothers is a constant on both sides. Members of Punjab Istri Sabha, an organization which counsels couples coming for divorce, say they encounter cases of parents interfering in the married life of their children every other day. Eventually, things come to such a pass that the couple's life is spoiled and she files for divorce.
"It is very sad that parents don't even tell their children to understand their partner and just go along with their decision to file for divorce. They are also keen to get them married again. What is the guarantee they will not interfere in the second marriage and take it to divorce? Marriage is not a small thing to dispose of anytime. A couple must understand the importance of maintaining distance," said president of Punjab Istri Sabha, Gurcharan Kochar.
After interference of mothers, marriages also hit rock bottom due to extramarital affairs, which are increasing in the city. If advocates are to be believed, many of these liaisons are the result of social networking sites like Facebook, Whatsapp and mobile phones. These distractions don't allow partners to spend the crucial initial time with each other after marriage. In about 25% of cases, couples don't understand each other because they don't spend much time with each other. Other reasons for breaking of marriages include domestic violence, too much arguing, lack of equality, infidelity, marrying too young and unrealistic expectations.

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