Thursday, January 16, 2014

Why is the divorce rate so high (especially in Western countries) if love marriages work?

Why is the divorce rate so high (especially in Western countries) if love marriages work?

Because divorce-rates are mostly a reflection of equal rights for women and social acceptability of divorce, and not how happy people are in their marriages.

There are happy and unhappy marriages everywhere. The biggest difference is not in this, but in what people do if they find themselves in a unhappy marriage.

In some cultures, it's socially unacceptable to ever get a divorce. Especially divorced women are often in a difficult situation. If they were at home as a housewife while the husband worked, they may have little experience with working and few chances of providing well for themselves financially. It is hardly surprising, under such circumstances, that few seek a divorce.

Instead, they endure. Marriages which are without passion. Without love. Without friendship. Sometimes even without basic respect -- nevertheless stay intact on the surface. One of my Iranian friends has parents who are still married to each other despite the fact that they generally try to avoid being in the same room, because they are on so bad terms with each other -- and they have been for more than a decade. Such a couple would almost certainly divorce in a culture where that was more acceptable.

In western countries, the question is not if the marriage is possible to endure. But instead if you think you will be happier inside or outside the marriage. It is common for married people in the west to divorce despite none of them being abusive, despite no cheating, and sometimes even despite a still functional friendship - because one of them, or both, feel that the marriage is holding them back or not providing everything they want from a partner.

To be honest, I am not certain if people in love-marriages are on the average happier than people in arranged marriages. There's a lot to be said for love, for making your own choice, for chemistry. But there's also quite a lot to be said for making a rational choice guided by things like shared values and background and considering pros and cons in a more rational and less emotional light.

Serial monogamy is pretty acceptable in much of "the west" and as such, you should not necessarily consider all marriages that end in divorce as "failures", if 2 people are in love, and live together happily for 3, 5 or 10 years (but not for life), where is the failure in that ? We don't consider other relationships that last for years but not for life a "failure" so why do so for love ?

If you've got a dear friend that you hang out with for 3, 5 or 10 years before you drift apart and lose contact, do you consider that friendship a "failure" ?

Misuse of anti-dowry laws on rise

Misuse of anti-dowry laws on rise

Anuradha Vellat, Bangalore, Jan 15, 2014, DHNS:

Of the 92 registered in Nov last year in B'lore, only 20 cases were found to be true

The instances of misuse of anti-dowry laws have been on the rise in Bangalore of late, according to a study by women’s helpline Vanitha Sahayavani. 

More than half of the dowry harassment complaints lodged with the helpline turn out to be mere allegations.

The Sahayavani has been working with the Bangalore Police and has its centre at the commissioner’s office. 

“We get hundreds of calls and complaints every day, most of which are pertain to dowry harassment. It is very difficult to ascertain whether the complaint is true or false while registering it. It is only through the counselling we provide in the next few days that we realise the true nature of the case,” said Rani Shetty, the co-ordinator of the helpline. Of the 92 dowry harassment cases registered in November 2013, only 20 were found to be true. 


Senior police officials say that the reasons for this are varied. 

“From what we have understood, a lot of women realise that the laws are stringent with respect to dowry harassment. Many a time, the law gets misused just because the woman wants to get away from her husband or teach him a lesson. This is why, before taking any action or registering a case, we send the couple to the Sahayavani so that the real cause behind the strained relationship is established,” Hemant Nimbalkar, Joint Commissioner of Police, Crime (East), told Deccan Herald. 

According to sources in the department, in a majority of the cases, dowry demands are made by educated middle-class families which are well aware of the prevailing laws. “Minor differences” in a relationship trigger such demands and these differences come out in the open during family counselling sessions.

“The idea is to save the marriage to the extent possible. Women bear a lot of harassment and this is, without doubt, the sad state of affairs here,” said Shetty. She added that the police are involved only when the case is ascertained to be that of dowry harassment. The cases of dowry deaths directly go to the police.

 In 2013, 49 cases of dowry deaths were registered. This number has been relatively stable in the past few years, with 21 cases each registered in 2010 and 2012 and 53 in 2011.

Man falsely implicated in rape case be compensated, says Delhi court

Man falsely implicated in rape case be compensated, says Delhi court

Press Trust of India | New Delhi 
January 15, 2014 Last Updated at 19:22 IST

A person falsely implicated in a rape case should be given compensation and either the court should be empowered to do so or the Centre should bring some amendment in the law in this regard, a Delhi court has said. 

Additional Sessions Judge Virender Bhat also said that the court could also be empowered to direct the state or the prosecutrix to compensate the person acquitted of the rape charge. 

"I may note that there is a dire need for provision to be made in the Code of Criminal Procedure (CrPC) to enable the court to direct either the state or the prosecutrix to compensate the persons acquitted of the false rape charges. 

"In cases, where the court comes to conclusion that the accused had been implicated on totally false and baseless charges, the accused, in fact, is the victim and deserves to be compensated...Caused to him in facing arrest, imprisonment and the ordeal of criminal trial," the judge said. 

"A copy of this judgment be sent to Secretary, Department of Law, Government of India and the Chairman, Law Commission of India for their perusal and consideration," he said. 

The court's observation came while hearing a rape case lodged by a married woman in March 2013, which later turned out to be false on the ground that "she was having voluntary liaison with the accused and her husband pressurised her to lodge a complaint of rape, when he came to know about their affair". 

Meanwhile, the court also ordered a separate trial of the woman for giving a false evidence before it. 

"I find it expedient to proceed against the prosecutrix under section 344 CrPC for giving false evidence before this court, which is being done by way of a separate order," the court said. 

The judge said, "At present, I do not find any provision in the CrPC or any other law in force for the time being, empowering the court to grant compensation to the accused acquitted of the false criminal charges. 

"Hence, I consider that state should either amend Section 357 (order to pay compensation) of CrPC or add a fresh section in the Code empowering the courts to grant compensation to the accused in such like cases.

Sex on promise of Marriage-Rape? Premarital sex-Immoral ? Panel Dicussion on Gender Discourse LOKSABHA TV 09 January 2014

Sex on promise of Marriage-Rape? Premarital sex-Immoral ? 
Panel Discussion on Gender Discourse LOKSABHA TV
on 09 January 2014

Interesting Discussion where Feminists confess how Girls/Women Trap MEN using SEX as Tool/Pleasure toy and further go on to bat for MEN acknowledging the Vulnerability of MEN to such False Sexual Allegations. 
They go on to detail out as to how Women/Girls should to approach and explore their Sexuality. 

But they stop short of saying that Abusers and Misusers of Women centric highly biased laws be PUNISHED.

Wondering why Mens Right Activists or masculinists were not invited on this Panel discussion

Part 1/4

Part 2/4

Part 3/4

Part 4/4

Full Texts of Rape cases under Discussion are at below links

Delhi Court - Every act sexual intercourse between two adults on the assurance of promise of marriage does not become rape. Pre-marital sex not only is immoral but also against the tenets of every religion


Judge's rape remark insensitive: Delhi high court