Monday, July 5, 2010

Men’s lives, women’s laws

A reality bite today in india is that by default for every unmarried woman who dies penalise her boyfriend and for a married woman death penalise her husband and family.

Arnt women responcible enough for their own actions.

These heavily tilted gender biased wife/women centric special laws and some more draconian ones in the pipeline are wrecking havoc and malevolence because of unchecked and escalating rampant STATE sponsored MISUSE.

If WOMEN blame MEN for all her problems then they better stay away and be happy and let men also be happy. Hetrosexual relationships have become crime for MEN in INDIA NOW. Its time MEN should now go for the ALTERNATE COMMUNE and SHUN any kind of such relationships till LAWS ARE MADE GENDER NEUTRAL and SOCIETAL MINDSET UNBIASED TOWARDS MEN


Men’s lives, women’s laws

Leher Kala

Jul 05, 2010 at 0015 hrs IST

In India, you’re better off being born male. But every now and then, the dice is heavily-loaded against men

A successful model’s suicide is a lot more captivating than the poverty and debt related suicides that occur routinely across India, so almost two weeks later we still get a daily update on Viveka Babajee. Was she a jilted lover or a manic depressive struggling on the fringes of Mumbai’s glittering modeling scene?

A combination of anti-depressants, loneliness, financial issues and a boyfriend dodging a commitment can be lethal. But my sympathies are with Gautam Vora, Babajee’s alleged fiancé, who must be negotiating with lawyers and cops as I write this, fearing that at any minute he could be arrested for abetment to suicide. Though unlikely, if charged and found guilty his life is effectively over: Section 306 carries a minimum sentence of 10 years in prison. Even if proved innocent the stress of getting entangled in a criminal case, another trial by the media, and going down for posterity as “the guy who’s girlfriend killed herself” is enough to finish one off, at least temporarily. All this for a girl he knew for a month. Vora must be cursing his luck. And his lack of judgment.

One of the perks of being adults is the right to start and terminate relationships as and when we like, outside of marriage. Amicably, preferably. Promises in relationships are routinely broken, flouted and misused but in normal adult equations, suicide isn’t part of the deal. Ditching someone might be morally wrong but in the course of a lifetime it’s a crime many of us have been guilty of.

In India, where society and laws are a jumble of complicated contradictions, you’re way better off being born male. Once in a while though, with some of our gender based laws, the dice is heavily-loaded against men. If you reverse the suicide scenario, for example, let’s say a man hangs himself after a failed relationship blaming a girlfriend, I don’t see her having to seeking anticipatory bail. I’m not sure if such a precedent exists in India. The only case that comes to mind is when actor Rekha’s husband Mukesh Agarwal hung himself in 1991. Rekha wasn’t even questioned. Then there is the draconian, anti-dowry law, 498A where even a hint of dowry allegations by an unscrupulous woman to the cops can land a husband and his extended family in jail for an indefinite period. Sexual harassment accusations are equally prone to misuse. And almost nobody believes a man over a woman. A male friend of mine, who runs a successful export business, hired an experienced buying agent, twenty years older than him. Within six months he figured she was dipping into his cash and cutting deals on the side. When he confronted her she threatened to call the cops for attempted rape. Even his lawyer advised him to write off the money saying in the situation the police would turn extortionists and it would do irreparable damage to his reputation.

Coming back to Babajee, she was talking marriage with a guy five years younger who she’d known for a month. She was either a die-hard optimist or exceptionally confident. I happened to have spent some time with MTV anchor Nafisa Joseph, who also committed suicide in 2004, after a failed relationship with a Mumbai businessman, ironically enough, also called Gautam. Joseph was bubbly and well-mannered with a fragile air about her. It turns out her fiancé was lying about being divorced, which tipped her over the edge. Her utter self-absorption that surfaced in the two days we hung out in Gwalior prevented her from seeing everything she had going for her; a successful career, supportive parents and a bright future. At the risk of sounding horribly trite, success and good looks is no magic wand for happiness. Nor does it guarantee an ability to cope. Even a complete lack of perspective can do you in.

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