Sexual crime against men is no myth!

Sexual crime against men is no myth!

Last Updated: Thursday, January 30, 2014, 19:42

Rashi Aditi Ghosh/Zee Research Group

As the nation moans ever growing sexual crimes against women, the similar crime against men often go unnoticed. The number of such cases, however, officially registered with the police is yet small. The low number is attributed by legal experts to fear of society reprisal who insist many such cases go unreported. 

The National Crime Record Bureau (NCRB) under the home ministry tabulates crime against men under various categories of kidnapping and abduction for variety of motives including illicit intercourse, prostitution and marriage. 

According to NCRB 2012 data, 175 men have been kidnapped and abducted for the purpose of illicit intercourse since 2009. The cases have been registered under Sec.363 to 369, 371 to 373 of Indian Penal Code (IPC). 

Men too are vulnerable is evident from another disturbing statistic. The NCRB report also shows that since 2009, 995 men were either kidnapped or abducted for forceful marriage. 

NCRB data further shows that 115 men were kidnapped for the purpose of prostitution. Most of the kidnappings and abductions of men for the purpose of getting sexual favour have been reported within 18 to 30 years and 30 to 50 years age group. 

Men rights activists charge the situation is “serious” and needs “urgent attention.” Atit Rajpada, men rights activist and ex president of Men’s Rights Association says, “The irony is that sexual abuse of men is not treated equally under law.” He wants government to accept the Association’s charter for changes in the Sexual Harassment at Workplace Act to ensure men are treated at par on the issue. 

Abha Singhal Joshi, High Court lawyer and Consultant at Commonwealth Human Rights Initiative concurs with the under reportage view. The exact incidence of sexual crime against men, however, is not known since no independent work has yet been carried on the issue. 

“It is true that sexual harassment of men is not a much talked about issue but it does exist. I have personal knowledge of such few cases,” reveals Joshi. She, however, does not buy the argument of poor legal protection for such victims. 

“Protection is available under the Section 355 of the Indian Penal code which deals with assault or criminal force with intent to dishonour any person as also under the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act, 2012,” she explains. 

Experts argue society retribution in such cases has to do with lack of exposure. Unlike heavy focus on sexual crimes against women in media and Bollywood, male victimization is by and large a taboo subject. 

Bollywood has not being very vocal on issue of sexual crime against men. Akshay Kumar and Priyanka Chopra starring ‘Aitraaz’ is a rare example that dealt with the issue of sexual harassment of men at the workplace. 

Only recently actor Zeenat Aman announced that she has starred in a bilingual movie called `Strings of Passion` that deals with the unexplored subject of sexual torture of male models and extras. The movie is under production. 

A study by Texas Association Against Sexual Assault shows that in the United States about 10 per cent of all victims of sexual assault, sexual abuse and rape are men. 

A book named “Betrayed as boys: Psychodynamic treatment of sexually abused men. Guilford: New York” also reports that in a 1996 study of 600 college men, 28 per cent of those surveyed reported some form of sexual abuse as a child. 

First Published: Thursday, January 30, 2014, 19:42 

(The views expressed by the author are personal)

Source http://zeenews.india.com/exclusive/sexual-crime-against-men-is-no-myth_6885.html#.UuurJbvygCk.blogger

Why daughters-in-law are hazardous for mothers-in-law’s health

Why daughters-in-law are hazardous for mothers-in-law’s health

Always thought it’s the mother-in-law who makes the life of her son’s wife a living hell? Well, according to a research, the daughter-in-law is actually primed for revenge.

Research shows women who are cared for by their son’s wife in later life fare less well than those looked after by their own daughter.

In fact, the set-up is so unhealthy an elderly woman would be better off living by herself.

According to Japanese researchers, the friction in the mother and daughter-in-law relationships is at the heart of their results, with years of arguments finally taking their toll.

During the four-year study, the scientists tracked almost 200 elderly Japanese men and women.

Their analysis revealed that living with a son and his wife to be highly detrimental to a woman’s health.

A woman cared for by her daughter-in-law was twice as likely to have died as one who lived with her daughter.

"These findings are provocative in that they suggest a survival disadvantage for women who are cared for by their daughters-in-law, that is a daughter-in-law 'penalty,'" the Daily Mail quoted the University of Tsukuba researchers as saying.

At its heart could be the 'strained relationship' between the two women, who traditionally are fighting for the affections of the same man.

Previous research by Cambridge and Exeter university scientists suggests the rivalry between a woman and her mother-in-law may have been behind the evolution of the menopause.

They believe it is nature's way of creating a truce in families. If older women are unable to have children, the younger females are free to lavish the family’s resources on their children.

The study has been published in the journal BMC Geriatrics.

http://www.dnaindia.com/lifestyle/report_why-daughters-in-law-are-hazardous-for-mothers-in-law-s-health_1449964

Forum for harassed mothers-in-law: 200 counselled in a week

Forum for harassed mothers-in-law: 200 counselled in a week

Mon Sep 13 2010

Rohit (name changed on request), a resident of Shimla, is a broken man today. The last six months have brewed so much of trouble in his married life that this 31-year-old is still trying to come to terms with the "deception" of his wife. In February this year, when he was away to Panchkula along with his family, including his wife, his house in Shimla caught fire. Police investigations revealed that Rohit's wife was the mastermind behind the inferno and she had taken help of the domestic helps to execute her plan. "Since one of the maids got burnt in the incident, she spilled the beans. My wife had paid them Rs 5,000 and also provided them with petrol to burn the house down," said the `victim' who has been married for four years. The family claims the woman also took away all the money and jewellery that was lying in the house before burning it down. While Rohit has filed a divorce petition in a local court in Shimla, the wife has also given a counter complaint of domestic violence with the police and is now "out on bail".
Rohit and his mother had come all the way from Shimla, after seeking "counselling" over the phone at the local chapter of All India Mothers-in-law Protection Forum, to attend a meeting in Sector 10 on Sunday. "We had read about it in the newspapers and called up. These eights months have been traumatic for us but we want to fight it out now as we have been wronged," said Rohit's mother.
This is not an isolated case coming to the forum. The local chapter, which is only a week old, boasts of about 60 members and also claim to have counselled over 200 harassed mothers-in-law till now. The members had gathered near Stop and Stare, Sector 10, for a weekly meeting.
"A lot of people who sought counselling on the phone came to meet us today. This will be a weekly feature. We want mothers-in-law who are viewed rather infamously as the villain of peace to come up with their tale of woes at the hands of their daughters-in-law," said Manjeet Puri, coordinator of the chapter.
Most of the people who have come to the forum lament the "misuse" of Section 498 A of the IPC, which deals with cruelty against women by husband and his family. These harassed mothers-in-law say most of the conflict pertains to division of wealth and property made by their daughters-in-law; failing to coerce to them leads to slapping of "false" cases of dowry harassment and even domestic violence. "I have a house in Gurgaon where my daughter-in-law is living with my grandson. She wanted that I should transfer the property in her name and when I refused to do so, she filed a case of dowry harassment against us. It has been almost two years that she is staying separately," said one Harminder Kaur.

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/forum-for-harassed-mothersinlaw-200-counselled-in-a-week/680901/2

Practical and Sincere advice to never married men (boys)

Much discussion has already done by our seniors already over here, i want to add something in real about this matter with few more details.
The following are words put here after my marriage experience. It is my view only, not a rule put by our community or rule of law that is to be followed. It is purely personal, which I justify by giving instances at times leading to a big story.
Have time go through it. I have prepared for never married men taking into consideration especially like you. I am thankful to forum that I am able to put through this means.
One of my friends told and I have read it in many places that a man can be understood clearly to 99% of accuracy but a woman can never be understood even to 49% of what is store in her mind.
I have used video recording in most of the contexts, we can get these cameras at an economical cost in market today. Audio recorders or mobile phones can be used. After recording copy them in local hard disks, CD's, DVD's as soon possible. Don't every try to modify the original recordings, Keep it at a safe place. There is some place for these evidences in court proceedings (If the records are not applicable before court at least they will be applicable before people's court, so keep a record of all things possible.). Give complaints to local police station whether you get them or not, when your mobile is lost, clearly stating the date, time, mobile model and the capacity of memory card.
Scan each and every document and store in a safe place globally along with the electronic records accessible through internet. There are plenty of sites offering these services, only thing is you need to login before some specified days, otherwise there is a danger of losing all files. If you have any trouble knowing these you may let me know. Documental evidences are always applicable in court.
You should be cautious with three W's - Wine, woman and Wife according to an English proverb. These are three most dangerous things in any one's life. First two you know, last you might not be. I explain here, wife is also a most dangerous person when she is against you. When all well she is heart and love for you, you will say everything what is store in it which you might have never said even to a close friend or your parents who are whole and sole in your life even when you are at good and bad times in every way possible to them. So she knows even the password of your personal PC, laptop, official passwords, official people, and what not, each and every aspect of you personal and impersonal, family related matters, strength and weakness of each and every member of your family, your resources of income, your income and the story goes like this. You might take a cue from all this that how much personal it is with a wife. She also have access to every relation by phone and email and what ever way, even personally she has been with us through our family or when we make visit to friends and relatives. So she has every chance of putting all possible hurdles when something goes wrong with her from our side. It is also there that we also have the samething, but law is in favour of women, in our Indian society only women gets the support, not the men community. Women can ask for divorce in front of a judge, but a man cannot ask for divorce, he can only ask for justice to be done.
Before Marriage:
These things are done as a measure of precautionary measure/to be safe side, not compulsory that each and every aspect is met. But will be helpful when there is some problem. We take precautionary measures in offices like servicing the vehicle, cleaning up the system, the same way this one.
1. Do not go into detail every aspect of your personal life while discussing on phones or when you meet personally.
2. Don't take frantic calls/ make frantic calls pretend you are busy, tell softly will get back soon when time permits, go when you really have time to leisure. This need not be done every time when she makes a request. Sometimes exclaim her that we will go, within a short notice.
3. Don’t talk much from your side, just try to get as much information, pretend you are also giving that much information when asked but never complete information. Eat out the actual point in your discussion by bringing something more.
4. Enjoy outings to a limit, you are still unmarried.
5. Never ever stay with your about in-laws before and after marriage unless there is something which happened contrary to your plan and expectation or when helpless.
6. Don’t make frequent visits to your in-laws any time(I mean before and after marriage whenever the context of any time comes).
7. Don’t send frantic messages, namely you are the world; you are my only love ... any time.
8. If you have very affection keep it in yourselves don’t ever try to express even after marriage.
9. Try to record happy moments in front of her with her knowledge. Moments should be recorded whether it is a happy note or sad note.
10. Record all discussions in video possible when some financial matters aspect, that to in the presence of elders (relatives may or may not be considered but third party person is compulsory concerned who is near to you or who knows about your family and is concerned to your family - the person/person's in consideration).
11. There should be agreement that in case of any problem, either party should not try to disturb others by any means (this agreement details can be got from a lawyer, they have done good homework after many false cases) and paper evidences of what ever you have given and taken from them or given by you. Everything should be witnessed by the person discussed above.
12. Even for Sthridhan there should be evidence of what you have taken and what they have given. Everything should be witnessed by the person discussed above.
13. If you feel that you that you hurt feelings don’t go over, say sorry and tell it will not be repeated. Try not repeat again in your life. But never expect from the opposite side that she will do the same as you are trying to do.
14. If your attitude hurts her beyond your thinking, although you are right in your own way, better not to marry her.
After marriage
About Marriage:
A wife is the most concerned woman who looks after a husband at their house, keeping a watch that when he comes. She is the one who has left her parents in faith that you will look after her. Even though if she does no work if she is a house wife, she does all the household work, look after the house where on lives, domestic chores and many more cannot be looked single handedly with any other's help, Supreme court also gave ruling that she is doing work of Rs.3000/- and many other things which cannot be counted on her part. So, treat her on par with you reason she is equally respected however bigger you are, children of lesser age take blessings from both of us, this shows that she is equal to our level, even though she is younger to us, or earns less than us. This can be equally observed when we are at marriages, occasions, social meetings, functions, poojas...... So, take proper care from your side that all is well and nothing beyond.
1. Do not go into detail every aspect of your personal life while discussing on phones or when you meet personally, reveal some which you expect that it is not going to hit your privacy even if there is some misunderstanding.
2. Don't take frantic calls pretend you are really busy putting a sorry note in a soft manner, never cry foul, show your emotions, and never show official problems (keep your official problems with you and your friends every time) on her put a date for going when you are free, chart out a plan that you make some times and sometimes a miss due to co-incidence due to some other that you may not go for that but some other thing which expected not to happen.
3. Don’t talk much from your side, just try to get as much information, pretend you are always with her every time although you are thing some other thing. Don't talk much is the rule of marriage to keep away differences, unnecessary discussions, the much you talk much discussions will lead to some other thing contrary to what we expect.
4. Enjoy outings to a limit convenient to you, you are now married. Your bachelorhood has come to an end. You cannot be the same as previous lover of your wife as you have no reason for getting her away from you, this being in your mind; you will just take granted for what you have done earlier. But she is in no mood of what you are in; keeps thinking that you should be the same old man what she though before and like you to be like that. This can never be possible. But we can take out some time for leisure.
5. Never ever stay with your in-laws before and after marriage unless there is something which happened contrary to your plan and expectation or when you are helpless, unless it is a customary. Your stay will lesser your image that's what I say.
They have more personal look of you when you are at their place, can go more personal about your feelings, likings and want to get more closer than you have enjoyed (but I feel business entity, should be different from personal entity which is generally followed in accounting terms). The marriage which has happened is a busy entity. Marriage, although one form of business of living, it cannot be insured, I mean a loss of one's marriage cannot be insured. A loss of wife or husband can be insured. That is importance given for a marriage of two persons. By this you can expect how fragile a marriage is. This means that marriage cannot be trusted or one can have good faith in marriage.
6. Don’t make frequent visits to your in-laws any time. If you have no business there, take turn of your vehicle on road itself and come back to your place after dropping her or meet a friend if nearby if it happens that you may need to take her back after sometime. When picking up, you might go inside for some time, but do not stays there on one or more pretext even if your wife is not willing to come, after three or four times of such a measure she will automatically make her mind. If she doesn’t make her mind, there is some action needed from our side.
7. Send messages, prevent calls either side, otherwise trouble of getting all the calls (mostly unnecessary) creating disturbance to work and in front of boss, or anytime when we are in work or when we are not in a mood to take any calls after much exhaustion. But send proper messages at times when we are late, we have a meeting, we had to have a dinner but never say that you are your parents place if you happen to have parents in the same city and you had to go there with out her or against her wishes.
8. If you have very affection about her, keep it in yourselves don’t ever try to express it. But express it before people, your friends, parents, her parents but never before her.
9. Try to record happy moments soon after marriage, they cannot be returned again in your life time. The same will not be got back at any cost. Moments should be recorded whether it is a happy note or sad note.
10. If it happens that there are some disturbances that is going to happen or has happened, don’t get directly involved in it with your parents and her parents. Always bring the third person discussed the good Samaritan in our marriage from our side and discuss in front of him. All this should be video recorded. If the other party objects for some, don't come in line with them, ask them to come in their own way or give another camera to capture the events in their own way. But never resort to change in original any way by the new technology, it can go awry. We cannot underestimate the technology use by any one, although however unknowledgeable the government or the court may be of these.
10. All giving’s and taking should be recorded in a friendly manner, one video recorder and camera person from our family should always take that duty. This will make habituated without any objections from either side, because he keeps recording each and every aspect which is known to both the families. So, never ever forget to record all discussions in video when some financial matters aspect is concerned, that to in the presence of elders (relatives may or may not be considered but third party person is compulsory concerned who is near to you or who knows about your family and is concerned to your family
- the person/person's in consideration).
11. All will be well when all is flourishing well but when differences arise there will be none, if you take a single path.
Therefore, there should be a definite agreement if not taken already earlier, that in case of any problem, either party should not disturb others by any means (this agreement format and other details can be got from a lawyer, they have done good homework after many false cases) and paper evidences of what ever you have given and taken from them or given by you.
Everything should be witnessed by good Samaritan.
12. Even after that meeting, if you find no change, you have to think twice. You can sense by their actions that a doomsday will come. Pretend that you are not in mood of any change with what you are doing. This will irritate and finally one day she will leave. Try to keep talking always with her and her family members, relatives from the opposite side (all these days of marriage you might have met, keep in contact for future use, call them for parties, social meetings that happen in the family either side, be close to them, they are always better than our in-laws from whom you can get much details and also they are moreover like us). Don’t put details unless they themselves start about the current happenings.
13. Incase of problem: Don't stay at weekends mainly from Friday evening onwards, as Saturday and Sunday being holiday for courts to apply for bail, the complaint whenever it may be filed, they will come on Friday night to give trouble. If such a situation has come to go jail, go along with them without any protest. Before going for a decision when the trouble started, think whether you want to live your wife in future or not.
First Case: If you want to live because of several problems, family problems, monetary problems and what not go for jail do nothing; you or your people will get back on bail in 3 to 4 days in total. This will leave the whole family who met such jail not to take back the girl, but due to inherent fear they say you should live with her without any further trouble. Then you decide that you will be with her. Now try adjusting, if she comes in line its well and good. Otherwise, you can do what she has mentioned in the complaint to her and discharge her, closing the chapter of hers in your book. Now, you can do as you wish, if again jailed no problem, once jailed or repeated jails even 100 times won't matter, then you can decide your next course of action. Now you will be definitely free from your wife and own pestering by your family members and others.
Second Case: If you think you can never get along with her. Go to jail. You will get bail in 3 to 4 days. Before the police you say, whatever you do I am not interested any more in my wife. This word will make them think twice and the same thing should be put before the lawyer saying that "I don't want to live with the bitch that had put me in jail; the case file by her is a false case, which has caused severe mental cruelty to me and my family". On these words the opposite party will apply for divorce or come in terms with you and you are free.
One thing to note, if a vacation happens to be there near your problem, never stay at your place of living. Because all through the holidays of court you will be in jail for no fault of yours. Courts have vacations, like that of schools and colleges, all this has led to the current state of affairs where scores of cases are pending for years together in court.
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I have taken extract from a good site which is presented here.
What are the Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes men Probably Make with Women?
Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Men Fail With Women...And How To Make Sure YOU Avoid Every One Of These Deadly Common
Mistakes...
MISTAKE #1: Being Too Much Of A "Nice Guy"
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted "nice" guys?
Of course you have.
Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.
What's going on here?
It's actually very simple...
Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT
LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.
And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.
I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT.
Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want.
MISTAKE #2: Trying To "Convince Her To Like You"
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like... but she's just not interested?
Right! They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, EVER.
You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning".
Think about it.
If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?
But we all do it.
When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.
Bad idea. One that will never work.
MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her For Approval Or Permission
In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission".
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... EVER.
Don't get me wrong here.
You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.
But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again.
You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.
Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her...
MISTAKE #4: Trying To "Buy" Her Affection With Food And Gifts
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone
who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did?
If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT.
Well guess what?
It's only NATURAL when this happens...
That's right, I said NATURAL.
When you do these things, you send a clear message:
"I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection".
Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation.
That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.
MISTAKE #5: Sharing "How You Feel" Too Early In The Relationship with Her
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early on.
Attractive women are rare.
And they get a LOT of attention from men.
Most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME
An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.
And guess what?
Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.
That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.
This signals to the woman that you're just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast... and can't control themselves.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.
There's a much better way...
MISTAKE #6: Not "Getting" How Attraction Works For Women
Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual-attraction.
But does the same apply for women?
Do women feel sexual-attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?
Think about it.
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men... and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.
If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY guy can learn how...
MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It Takes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that
attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age.
And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.
But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks.
There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet...
And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.
YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.
Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
MISTAKE #8: Giving Away All Of Your Power To Women
Earlier I mentioned that it's a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.
Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.
Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.
Another bad idea...
Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over... Women aren't attracted to Wussies!
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing EXACTLY What To Do In Each Type Of Situation With Women
A woman ALWAYS knows what you're thinking.
Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That's ten TIMES.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you're out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.
And if you don't know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won't help!
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating...
Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical... everything.
If you don't know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.
And you KNOW it.
It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman... from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.
I know, guys don't like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.

http://498a.org/forum/viewtopic.php?p=31862&sid=e4de73658e160eea856edd43a0344213#p31862

also read http://498a.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=3561

IAS for a groom! - “Antardwand” deals with groom kidnapping – The DOWRY racket industry

 

“Antardwand” deals with groom kidnapping prevalent in some districts of Bihar

As “Antardwand” comes out in the open director Sushil Rajpal talks about the film

Socially relevant small budget cinema is proving to be the flavour of the season. New names and faces are making their way to the marquee. After Udaan and Peepli Live generated more than the expected buzz, Sushil Rajpal's Antardwand, released this past week. The film is based on groom kidnapping, colloquially called pakaruah shaadi in Bihar. Inspired by a real life incident, where his close friend had to go through the bizarre practice, Rajpal says groom kidnapping has got a degree of social sanction because in 80 per cent cases the boy and the girl compromise and resign to their fate. “That's why people are ready to take the risk. In many cases marriage ceremony is organised in the open and people come.”

Rajpal says mostly IAS officers and government engineers are targeted because private sector has yet to reach Bihar in a big way. “What happens is the girl's father targets a boy of a well-to-do family. If the groom's family declines or demands unusually high dowry, the girl's father gets the boy kidnapped, forces him to marry his daughter and ensures that the boy and the girl spend a night together. After that the boy is virtually trapped for life. He can't get divorce until the girl gives her consent. And if he pursues the case, complex legal battles on maintenance and rights over property crop up. If the boy has inherited property, his wife automatically gets a right over it. More often than not the guy compromises and every thing become normal on the surface.”

Rajpal says in such cases it is the girl who suffers the most, as she hardly has any outlet to air her emotions. “Whether deserted or divorced, her life becomes a living hell. Her father believes that he has done a great job for his daughter but in most cases he only ensures slow death.” Rajpal says dowry is one of the biggest causes but egos also play a part as in most cases the girl's family is also financially strong and politically connected. “I have seen an IPS officer refusing to marry his son to a bureaucrat's daughter because of dowry. So, it is prevalent at the highest level.”

Rajpal says the film doesn't take sides as his intention is to bring out the reality. “I have treated it as an entertainer otherwise common man won't be able to digest the seriousness of the issue. The issue is also such that it sounds bizarre and has a tinge of black humour.” An alumnus of Hansraj College, Rajpal himself hails from Bihar. Interested in photography from college days, he graduated from FTII with specialisation in cinematography.

A known name in advertising, he was noticed when he shot Pradeep Sarkar's Laaga Chunari Mein Daag. We generally expect visually-rich subjects from cinematographer-turned-directors? “That's true but I wanted to make a content-driven film. I shot in real life situation and cast actors who could speak with the local accent.” The film stars Raj Singh Choudhary (of Gulal fame) and FTII graduate Swati Sen in lead roles with Vinay Pathak and Akhilendra Mishra lending support.

The film was ready two years ago, but came into limelight when it won the National Award for the best film on social issues. “A doctor friend of mine in the U.S. saw it and said that it should get a theatre release. He donated some money and the process started. The National Award tag helped PVR come on board but the real help came from Anurag Kashyap, Imtiaz Ali and Raj Kumar Hirani who vouched for the film.” Isn't it a healthy trend where established filmmakers are coming to the support of an emerging filmmaker? “It is, particularly when they all make different kinds of cinema. I must say I was lucky. Even if somebody has the best of intentions, you must remember these are very busy people and it is difficult to take out time to watch and then promote the film.”

Even as we talk to Rajpal, he is busy collating funds so that his Rs.1.5 crore film gets the desired publicity. “It is one of the rare films where the publicity budget has exceeded the shooting budget!”

http://www.thehindu.com/arts/cinema/article600292.ece

Review of 498A cases could help

Review of 498A cases could help

The Supreme Court’s observation that the Centre should reassess the stringent provisions of section 498A of the Indian Penal Code (IPC) can be welcomed only ambivalently. While many of the cases filed under it involve misuse of the provisions, it is also necessary to recall why the special section was introduced in the first place: the innumerable cases of dowry harassment and deaths of young women across the social strata. When dowry-related oppression assumed epidemic proportions, many women sought — and got — draconian penal provisions. Unfortunately, there is as yet no study to show that 498A has helped curb this menace or reduced dowry deaths significantly. However, the courts are awash with cases where 498A has been misused by women for ulterior motives. Many women police officers who investigate and prepare dowry harassment cases have confessed to instances of misuse. But the issue is how much misuse has there been? Anecdotal evidence is not enough.

The court’s dilemma is understandable but not unique. It has to unravel the false cases so that innocent persons are not punished. But instances of abuse are not confined to section 498A. In fact, abuse is part and parcel of any special purpose law — whether it is anti-dowry or anti-terrorism or anti-untouchability. To deal with a big problem, the law is often tailored to make it easy for the law-enforcement agencies to nab the guilty, but, in the process, some innocents do suffer. It can be argued that section 498A skips some of the procedural safeguards in its anxiety to avert delays and loopholes in providing succour to victims of dowry harassment. The fact that some provisions are being misused means we need more robust mechanisms to verify the authenticity of complaints, and swift redressal when things go wrong.

There are two sides to the coin. If crimes against women are seen to be a bigger problem than victimisation of unwary men and their families, the law will tilt towards the former. This is the justification for laws like UAPA and the Armed Forces Special Powers Act, which are draconian in nature. The remedy lies in proving that these laws harm more than they protect.

http://www.dnaindia.com/opinion/editorial_review-of-498a-cases-could-help_1424938

'Get professional help to manage marital stress'

'Get professional help to manage marital stress'

Tuesday, Aug 17, 2010, 8:51 IST
By Soumita Majumdar

Is it quite natural to have violent thoughts against one’s spouse? Dr MJ Thomas, consultant psychiatrist and coordinator, department of psychiatry, Sagar Hospitals spoke to DNA about the rising instances of domestic violence and even murder of spouses, after the recent killing of a schoolteacher by her husband in the city.

Is it natural to have violent thoughts against one’s spouse? And are there ways in which these can be curtailed?
Yes, some people do get violent thoughts about their spouses, just as they get similar thoughts about anyone else. This kind of violence is contemplated when there are marital differences, and both partners think they are in the right. Violence could also be contemplated when one partner feels insecure or suspicious and questions the partner’s fidelity. In either case, if this feeling is prolonged and consistent, the couple should seek professional help.

Are there signs to look out for, so that people in marriages could seek help at the appropriate time?
If either of the partners becomes consistently depressed or aggressive and feels that he or she cannot tolerate the partner anymore, then it is about time that the couple seeks professional help. Also, sometimes, if an outsider tells them that they need help, it means that their quarrel has become too obvious. In such cases the couple should seek help from marriage counsellors. If there are problems like dowry harassment or something like that that is rather grave, the couple should seek the help of the extended family. If there is baseless suspicion or extreme stubbornness, which harms the relationship, there is need to meet a psychiatrist.

Police commissioner Shankar Bidari has urged people to walk out of bad marriages rather than commit murder. Do you think divorce is now an acceptable solution for a bad marriage? About 60% of ‘bad’ marriages can be saved if professional help is taken on time. Those who cannot live together despite counselling sessions should live in separation or get divorced as an alternative. Divorce or separation as a concept is much more acceptable in today’s society.

How could the family help, in such situations? Do you think it might be better for them to remain uninvolved?
An extended family should always be supportive. However, most marriages break down as the conflict between the couple develops into a family quarrel. Family members should be careful and not take sides. The problem might only get worse.
The extended family, could, however, guide the couple to professional help so that the problem is treated at the right time, before it aggravates. Often, that is the best possible support that other family members can offer to a couple going through tension and strife in marriage.

http://www.dnaindia.com/lifestyle/report_get-professional-help-to-manage-marital-stress_1424473

CHILD CUSTODY LAWS-Fathers denied child custody-demand SHARED PARENTING - p7 news

PART 1/2 - CHILD CUSTODY LAWS-Fathers denied child custody-demand SHARED PARENTING - p7 news 8aug10

 

 

 

 

PART 2/2 - CHILD CUSTODY LAWS-Fathers denied child custody-demand SHARED PARENTING - p7 news 8aug10

 

Dis- Honour killings - the perpetrators of the crimes were from the girl’s family says National Commission for Women (NCW), Ministry of Women and Child Development

It is all the more necessary that a new section of IPC 304C be made and girl and her family be arrested for every death of any HUSBAND within 7 years of marriage

section 304C IPC

Where the death of a MAN is caused by any burns or bodily injury or occurs otherwise than under normal circumstances within seven years of his marriage and it is shown that soon before his death he was subjected to cruelty or harassment by his wife or any relative of his wife for, or in connection with, any demand for money or property , such death shall be called "honour killing" and such wife or relative shall be deemed to have caused his death.

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Dis-Honour killings - the perpetrators of the crimes were from the girl’s family says National Commission for Women (NCW),Ministry of Women and Child Development

The study commissioned by the National Commission for Women (NCW). and carried out by NGO Shakti Vahini was confined to the States of Haryana, Punjab and Western Uttar Pradesh. However, 560 cases profiled by the NGO reflects that it is a north Indian phenomenon.
The study reveals that in 88.93% of the total 560 cases surveyed, the perpetrators of the crimes were from the girl’s family.
The Study Report has inter-alia highlighted the following:-

 
• Honour Killings have been reported most from those areas where the Khap Panchayats are active.
• Shakti Vahini studied 560 cases where couples have been threatened. Of these 560 cases, 121 persons have been killed.
• Honour Killings are less about gotra issue and more about inter caste marriages.
• Violence and threatening of couples has been reported both from rural and urban areas and from almost all sections of the society.
• The reaction to the inter-caste marriages are much stronger and violent when the girl marries a dalit or to a lower caste than her own.
• The skewed sex ratio in the area has led to the worsening of the status of women in this region.

This information was given by Smt. Krishna Tirath, Minister of State for Women and Child Development in a written reply to a question in the Rajya Sabha today.

http://pib.nic.in/release/release.asp?relid=64385

The Myth of Women's Oppression

The Myth of Women's Oppression