Where judges save marriages

Where judges save marriages

Smriti Singh, TNN Oct 6, 2008, 03.01am IST

With an alarming increase in the number of couples heading for divorce in the Capital, judges have now stood up to save the sanctity of marriage. From advising the couple to give their marriage a second chance to making them understand the practicality of life, the judges are doing everything that can change the mind of the couple heading for separation.

The concept of mediation centres is rapidly gaining popularity, and with a success rate of 63%, this new role of the gravel-hammering judges has earned them accolades from everywhere. According to recent court figures, more than 1,36,000 marriages take place every year while some 8,000-9,000 divorce cases are filed each year. In fact, an average of 10 cases are filed per day in just one court.

However, the new Additional Dispute Resolution (ADR) method has given the judiciary a more humane approach in resolving the matter. Sample this: A couple which had filed for a divorce recently went back to give their marriage a second chance after attending sessions in the mediation centres. "The main problem with the couple was a communication gap as both were working. So, when they approached us, all we told them was to talk, be more expressive and resolve their issues over a cup of coffee. It worked for them and within 5 sittings, they decided to give it another shot," said a mediator judge who refused to be named.

Earlier, this wasn't the role of mediation centres. The case was generally forwarded to the civil courts if the couple was not ready to reconcile. However, the new ADR method involves an enhanced role of the judge. The centres have taken the help of ADJs to do the job of the mediators. In the mediation centre at Gole market, which comes under Delhi Legal Services Authority, there are five district and sessions judges, who meet couples everyday between 8am to 7pm. Similar mediation centres can be found in Tis Hazari and Karkardoma. "The role of the judge in these mediation centres is not only to mediate between the couples but also to understand the dispute between the two parties and come up with an amicable solution," Sanjay Sharma, the project officer of DLSA, told TOI.

"Mediation in the context of matrimonial disputes is different in form and content from commercial and property disputes. So we give advice on things like motivation, sentiments, social compulsions, personal liabilities, and responsibility to solve the matter," said a mediator judge on the condition of anonymity.

The latest figures at the Tis Hazari mediation centre are encouraging. The success rate of settled cases in Tis Hazari is as high as 63% while at Karkardoma it's close to 60%.

"Out of 7,473 cases handled by the mediation centre in the past three years, 7,264 have been disposed off by now. About 4,605 cases have been settled successfully," informed Kapoor, the judge in charge of the mediation centre in Tis Hazari courts.

"Our main job is not to tell them what to do, but to mediate between the two parties. We motivate these couples to sort out their differences and the judges here try to talk to them about issues like personal liabilities and responsibilities to solve the matter," Kapoor added.

The judges at the mediation centres believe that the mindsets of the people have changed over the years. While earlier getting a divorce was considered the last resort for a couple, now they consider it their first option.

Mediator to the rescue

Anita Dhingra (name changed) never thought that her marriage of six years would come crashing down after her husband got a job transfer to another city. Anita, a working professional, did not want to leave her job so both decided to work in different cities for a while, hoping to find a solution soon. "It never worked out. Instead, we grew apart and problems started arising. I was accused of not being mature and understanding. There was too much stress," she said. In November 2007, the couple decided to split and filed for a divorce.

Their counsels suggested sessions in the mediation centre. Both agreed and as they say the rest is history. "We both were pretty apprehensive about going for sessions in the mediation center but we went ahead. The first few sessions were a waste as we just blamed each other for every thing and refused to reconcile. But then, our mediator asked us to reason out the differences and suggested certain ways to mend our differences," she said.

The first suggestion was to interact. The mediator advised the couple to take a cool-off period and think about the positive side of the relationship. "Although, the mediator never enforced anything on us, her advice came in handy and our differences started to dissolve," Dhingra said.

After the 10th session, the couple decided to give their marriage another try. Cut to September 2008, and the couple is living happily in the capital with Anita's husband taking up another job here.

This is not the only case where the help of a mediation centre has come to the rescue. There have also been number of cases where the couple still head for a divorce but on "cordial terms". One of the mediators in Tis Hazari courts explains, "Most of the time the couple comes with a decision. So we try that no matter what the decision they take in the end, it has to be on cordial terms." The mediator added that many couples who still went ahead with the divorce are now good friends. "It's healthy for everyone. Especially, if they have kids," she said.

(smriti.singh@timesgroup.com)

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2008-10-06/delhi/27926178_1_mediation-centres-judges-divorce-cases

All-woman teams to stop misuse of dowry law in Maharashtra

All-woman teams to stop misuse of dowry law in Maharashtra

The state government is all set to curb the misuse of women protection laws.

According to a recent circular issued by the state, special women teams will be set up at all police stations to investigate cases of section 498 (A) of the IPC, which defines the offence of matrimonial cruelty.

The government resolution states that investigation in a case should start only after a written complaint is submitted by the victim. The complaint has to be dealt by a women officer with the help of other female constables.

The idea is that the victims will feel comfortable dealing with women officers. Also, this will ensure that innocent people are not becoming victims of baseless allegations.

The circular directs the police to bring both parties together and try to understand their problems. Also, the accused have to be given prior notice before arrest.

There are apprehensive about the success of the move as there are few women personnel in the force.

 

http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/report_all-woman-teams-to-stop-misuse-of-dowry-law-in-maharashtra_1432331

'Get professional help to manage marital stress'

'Get professional help to manage marital stress'

Tuesday, Aug 17, 2010, 8:51 IST
By Soumita Majumdar

Is it quite natural to have violent thoughts against one’s spouse? Dr MJ Thomas, consultant psychiatrist and coordinator, department of psychiatry, Sagar Hospitals spoke to DNA about the rising instances of domestic violence and even murder of spouses, after the recent killing of a schoolteacher by her husband in the city.

Is it natural to have violent thoughts against one’s spouse? And are there ways in which these can be curtailed?
Yes, some people do get violent thoughts about their spouses, just as they get similar thoughts about anyone else. This kind of violence is contemplated when there are marital differences, and both partners think they are in the right. Violence could also be contemplated when one partner feels insecure or suspicious and questions the partner’s fidelity. In either case, if this feeling is prolonged and consistent, the couple should seek professional help.

Are there signs to look out for, so that people in marriages could seek help at the appropriate time?
If either of the partners becomes consistently depressed or aggressive and feels that he or she cannot tolerate the partner anymore, then it is about time that the couple seeks professional help. Also, sometimes, if an outsider tells them that they need help, it means that their quarrel has become too obvious. In such cases the couple should seek help from marriage counsellors. If there are problems like dowry harassment or something like that that is rather grave, the couple should seek the help of the extended family. If there is baseless suspicion or extreme stubbornness, which harms the relationship, there is need to meet a psychiatrist.

Police commissioner Shankar Bidari has urged people to walk out of bad marriages rather than commit murder. Do you think divorce is now an acceptable solution for a bad marriage? About 60% of ‘bad’ marriages can be saved if professional help is taken on time. Those who cannot live together despite counselling sessions should live in separation or get divorced as an alternative. Divorce or separation as a concept is much more acceptable in today’s society.

How could the family help, in such situations? Do you think it might be better for them to remain uninvolved?
An extended family should always be supportive. However, most marriages break down as the conflict between the couple develops into a family quarrel. Family members should be careful and not take sides. The problem might only get worse.
The extended family, could, however, guide the couple to professional help so that the problem is treated at the right time, before it aggravates. Often, that is the best possible support that other family members can offer to a couple going through tension and strife in marriage.

http://www.dnaindia.com/lifestyle/report_get-professional-help-to-manage-marital-stress_1424473

CHILD CUSTODY LAWS-Fathers denied child custody-demand SHARED PARENTING - p7 news

PART 1/2 - CHILD CUSTODY LAWS-Fathers denied child custody-demand SHARED PARENTING - p7 news 8aug10

 

 

 

 

PART 2/2 - CHILD CUSTODY LAWS-Fathers denied child custody-demand SHARED PARENTING - p7 news 8aug10

 

Delhi HC slams marital dispute litigants who go back after taking benefits of compromise deed through mediation, makes it tough to go back on mediation

Delhi HC slams marital dispute litigants who go back after taking benefits of compromise deed through mediation, makes it tough to go back on mediation

Thu, Aug 5 05:32 AM

Touted as an effective tool to cut down the pendency of cases across courts, the mediation mechanism has recently hit a stumbling block as instead of ending multifarious litigation, it has often resulted in a fresh bout of cases. The Delhi High Court has recently witnessed several cases where the litigants, especially those entangled in marital disputes, have wished to reject the compromise deed executed after the mediation.

Of late many parties have been approaching the High Court asking to get their compromise deeds quashed, claiming they were made "under duress/coercion". But, more worryingly, the retraction often comes after one of the parties has already availed the benefits of the compromise deed.

Noting a spurt in such cases, Justice S N Dhingra said a litigant complaining of coercion must be put to stringent test before the compromise is set aside. The judge further noted receipt of the benefits is a factor that should be kept in mind before quashing a deed. "One can understand the retraction of compromise, if no benefit is received. However, the compromises are retracted even after benefits are received by one party," noted the court in its recent order.

Justice Dhingra noted that approaching the court after drawing the benefits of an agreement meant pushing the other party, who chose to comply with the terms, to a state of utmost disadvantage and hence, equity must prevail in such cases so that no injustice is done. "The party has to prove before the court by cogent evidence that the compromise was not entered into with free will and consent and the same was entered into under duress and should be ignored," ruled Justice Dhingra while dismissing two similar petitions.

Backing the court's views, jurists said the sanctity of a compromise deed must be maintained and not challenged by a lame allegation without substance. Retired Delhi High Court judge R S Sodhi told Newsline, "The entire purpose of alternate dispute redressal system is defeated if courts entertain such pleas without concrete arguments. These deeds are the rule of the courts and must be respected."

Balkrishna Sharma, a trial court lawyer who has attended several mediation proceedings, said any litigant should not be allowed to retract from the mediation without strong reasons. "A deed is executed only after willful agreements are arrived at and that too before a judicial officer. Nobody should be at a disadvantage only because he or she opted to follow the orders and honoured the deed."

Mediation process

The mediator — usually a judge — makes the two parties sit across a table and help them resolve the issues amicably before a compromise deed is executed on the terms agreed by both.

Mediation is considered very useful in cases of marital discord and issues of alimony, divorce and compensation are easily sorted out. These compromise deeds are subsequently submitted in the court trying their cases and matters are disposed of accordingly. A similar process is followed at the Lok Adalats.

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/hc-makes-it-tough-to-go-back-on-mediation/656184/2

http://in.news.yahoo.com/48/20100805/804/tnl-hc-makes-it-tough-to-go-back-on-medi_1.html